The Fundamentals of Caring – 0 stars

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Paul Rudd lost his young son in an accident and compensates by taking a 6 week course on caregiving for the disabled. His first client is a plucky, wheelchair bound Brit named Trevor, who suffers from muscular dystrophy and an overinflated sense of his own cleverness. For example, to shock Rudd, he pretends he’s choking or having a seizure, a real gutbuster. Rudd later pretends he’s lost his lifesaving medicines, so, relationship established.

Both parties learn life lessons, but to better cement them, they

A). Make love
B). Take a road trip
C). Join a white supremacist sect
D). Enter into a suicide pact

Of course the answer is B), but the other answers would have made for a better film, for those options would not have resulted in their meeting bad girl hitchhiker Selena Gomez. How do we know she is bad? She

A). Smokes
B). Curses
C). Is a white supremacist
D). Smokes while cursing

Oh, if it had only been C).

So, Gomez is indeed the toughest girl at the mall, but she also suffers her own disability — inflatable faceitis.

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That’s the curveball.

Gloppy, lazy, hackneyed gruel.

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