The Last Samurai. Really bad. Tom Cruise is the dissipated, drunken Civil War vet who slaughtered women and children Indians (at the evil Tony Goldwyn’s behest) and must “find himself” in the mystical East. I’m not a Tom Cruise hater, but he has two huge drawbacks. First, he’s eternally youthful and thus, cannot effectively be world-weary. Second, he should avoid all period pieces. I didn’t like Cold Mountain, but Jude Law struck me as a man of his time and thus lent the film authenticity. Cruise, on the other hand, is hopelessly 21st century and appears on the cusp of saying “Dude” a few times. He is not helped by this hackneyed, American-hating, simplistic piece of garbage that is the script.