Murder by Numbers – 0 stars Murder By Numbers [VHS]: Sandra Bullock, Ben Chaplin, Ryan  Gosling, Michael Pitt (II), Agnes Bruckner, Chris Penn, R.D. Call, Tom  Verica, Janni Brenn, John Vickery, Michael Canavan, Krista Carpenter, Neal  Matarazzo,

Awful. The protagonist is a hardened, take-no-crap bitter homicide detective with ghosts in the past and a skeleton in the closet.  This detective fu**s hard and then kicks you out of bed so you don’t get too close.  Voices haunt this detective.  This detective is a pro, no stranger to the massive homicide rate in some California coastal town in San Benito County, California.  This detective has seen it all.

This detective is played by Sandra Bullock.  The next Jack Ryan may as well be David Hyde Pierce.

Grizzled ole’ Sandra has to deal with two Leopold and Loeb wannabes (Ryan Gosling and Michael Pitt) who fail the movie Leopold and Loeb movie prerequisites of being either 1) smart or 2) cool under fire.  The plot is a senseless mush of hackneyed stew, and Bullock is humiliated by being given the tough gal role, only to be pushed around time after time after time by one of these high school punks.  Worse, she gets attacked severely by . . . a monkey.

You really have to see it, but I recommend that you do not.

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