Murder by Numbers – 0 stars

Awful. The protagonist is a hardened, take-no-crap bitter homicide detective with ghosts in the past and a skeleton in the closet. This detective fucks hard and then kicks you out of bed so you don’t get too close. Voices haunt this detective. This detective is a pro, hardened by the massive homicide rate of a California coastal town in San Benito County, California. This detective has seen it all.

This detective is played unconvincingly by professional pixie Sandra Bullock.

The next Jack Ryan may as well be David Hyde Pierce.

Grizzled ole’ Sandra has to deal with two Leopold and Loeb wannabes (Ryan Gosling and Michael Pitt) who fail the Leopold and Loeb movie prerequisites of being either 1) smart or 2) cool under fire. The plot is a senseless mush of hackneyed stew, and Bullock is humiliated by being given a discordant tough gal role, only to be pushed around time after time after time by one of these high school punks.

Worse, she gets attacked severely by . . . a monkey.

You really have to see it, but I recommend that you do not.